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goodbye diaryland

2005-01-03 : 10:22 p.m. : first day of school

school reopened today. first entry of the year. school is just school, really. nothing much.

back to the mornings when i dazed on the lrt and bus. for the first time on the bus, some girl mistook me for someone else. she happily shouted a foreign name (at me, i saw).

the girl: hey huiying.
i turned.
i stoned.
she blinked. and stoned too.

changed physics teacher. mr tan boon hian, hope he's nice. provided i buck up for my physics. -.-

changed seating partners. expecting a rather quiet year. maybe that helps too. quiet moments are wonderful, time to think. not reflections. nono. definitely not. but ah well, hopefully i don't dream off.

lessons. as usual.

3rd lang. this whole rubbish confusion about ending sch at 2.30 and leaving sch at 2.35 when the 3rd lang classes start at 2.30. dah. ono sensei. the sensei was...should i say cute? her hair left a deep impression, literally triangular in shape. like a curtain. -.- and yes japanese books are freakingly expensive. 70 bucks for a textbook. ah well.

then. back home.

i should be moving host soon. moving to diary-x. as i said, i can password-protect some entries that way. afterall, there's still something called secrets.

2004-12-31 : 9:03 p.m. : last words of 2004

last day of 2004.
a few minutes before it turns 2005.

somehow i am a little disappointed at how this year chooses to end - an earthquake/ tsunami disaster .. kind of sad actually. and it rained the whole day. since the moment i woke up this morning, it has been raining non-stop today. perhaps i am luckier to do the countdown at home. at least it's warm and not cold, unlike out there. it dampened whatever festive mood i had [not that i am very happy that this year is ending]

2004, it passes too quickly. much faster than the other years. can't believe my sec3 life is over. cant believe that i am supposed to EMBRACE sec4 life in less than 3 hours' time. just simply unbelievable.

a lot of things actually happened this year, if i really count them one by one. things that made me happy, sad, angry. countless, i suppose. lessons were learnt, in the hard way most of the time. but i guess sometimes they are easier to remember like that. there were certain events that gave me more-than-wonderful memories, the scariest nightmares and there were some times when i felt helpless. parts of 2004 that i want to keep in mind and never forget. people who have walked into my life and touched my heart in one way or another, i thank you here. you know who you are, there's no need to name.

lastly. hopefully 2005 will start better than 2004's ending.

a happy new year.

2004-12-30 : 3:26 p.m. : x.x

eunice is going to be so dead.
'cause she is not going to finish her homework.
she lost the instructional sheet for physics sia.
hmph.
and one more day till 2005.
weak smile.
suddenly i yearn to hear someone sing.

蒲公英在飞翔
没有了方向

2004-12-29 : 9:37 p.m. : pained

the tummyache is killing me.

x.x

2004-12-29 : 6:28 p.m. : boo.

i am pleased at what i did today. if only i can so disciplined at all times. if only. it means i am not.

school's reopening soon. dreads to think how my class's gonna be like. maybe scarier than this year. see, i spend time like this, scaring myself.

2004-12-28 : 10:50 p.m. : bored

just this morning.
i thought of changing to diary-x.
cos there's just something i want to password-protect.

i have a lot of stuff to complete.
and i am nowhere near.
at least i did a poem today.
my essay to be finished tmr.

2004-12-27 : 9:11 p.m. : the disaster

the earthquake, tsunamis and floods killed many. many innocent people. people who did not know they were going to die the moment later. if they had the choice, they would not want to be there, to be killed. but they did not even have a chance. many kids died. not even a quarter into their lives, they stopped breathing. how lucky i am to be breathing right now. to be sitting in front of the computer, in front of the television, watching the new clips. how lucky i am to be in singapore. at least i am safe. it's just luck. i have it. they missed it.

rest in peace.

2004-12-25 : 9:17 p.m. : christmas day

merry christmas world.

enjoy the last hours of this festive day.

i can't believe i have spent christmas with the computer. oh well.

2004-12-24 : 6:17 p.m. : time

christmas eve.

no idea why i am doing at home. homework tying me down? maybe. ah well, that's rather sad isn't it. all of a sudden, i feel like walking down orchard alone. looking at how people celebrate. i love long walks alone. especially at night. i know it's not safe. but if it's safe, it will be simply...wonderful. the feeling of you watching the world pass by. time just slips. unnoticed.

6 more days.
till 2004 ends.
time passes so quickly.
i am going to be sec-four soon.
wow.
how interesting.
it doesn't wait for you.
helpless.
there's no point in shooting down the clock anymore.

2004-12-23 : 9:37 p.m. : yawny

if changes help, i don't mind. but just work, because i don't want to know.

still suffering from post-chalet sleeping disorder. my sleeping pattern is disgustingly affected. but i seem to enjoy it anyway. -chuckles- [edit] i still have last-min christmas card sending not done yet. oops. [/edit]

2004-12-22 : 5:17 p.m. : sometimes i just can't explain

came back from co chalet this morning. at xiaowei's house now..going band concert later. i think i am seriously going crazy. really. i actually didn't mind wearing a skirt to go along. nonono. i do mind a bit. but i just played along. and it's like ages since i wore a skirt before (other than uniform of course) i wonder what mum and dad will say when i return..i will probably change back into my jeans before i go home. =P
i am very very tired now. sleepyhead's suffering from post-chalet sleeping disorder. ><

2004-12-20 : 10:43 a.m. : to be or not to be

retreat.
should i treat it as another escape?
maybe i should not.
i will take ages to revert to my old self.

2004-12-19 : 4:44 p.m. : cards...

sick of knots. knots. knots. if you know what i am talking about. and yes i am seeing squares instead of stars. =P
time to send christmas card! got my first xmas card from melissa!! =D that's really sweet =) dahh. i am running out of stamps againn. mmm, anyone know what's the postal code for woodlands?

2004-12-18 : 2:08 p.m. : 习惯

就是那种麻木。久了之后也不觉得可悲了，因为什么都早已习惯。若你现在才说要宠我，我肯定会被吓死。不是不向往好的一面，只是等了那么久，我也不想要了。因为我已经习惯现在的日子了。
习惯的东西，是很难改过来的。那种辛苦，应该很难受吧？

2004-12-18 : 1:24 p.m. : co camp

came back from CO camp yesterday afternn. guess it was rather fun and fengnianji rocks big time. =D
first night was the night trail. it was kinda sad cos i was halfway done with preparing and chatting with xiaowei in the meantime, when andrea and gang started popping out. the night was rather quiet with screams ringing out of nowhere when some groups walked into "something". i played with candles that night. it's always wonderful watching the flame flicker, dancing in the darkness. the warmth is welcoming =) [other than the few times when i played with the wax and hurt myself and the table XP] and yes, everyone's saying cellobass people screamed the most. hahha. my section is timid. =P
oh as usual. i screwed huibao again. it's my last and i flopped it. dahhh. =(
hmph. my sleeping habits are totally distorted now. slept later and later each night of the camp. i cannot believe myself i actually slept only 4 hours and was still okay last night. but except for the fact i slept through the night 14 hours flat. and okay fine. the cross-stitch thingy is no secret anymore. but i don't care. i am still going to treat it as a secret. =)

time to start work i guess.

2004-12-14 : 11:22 p.m. : rainbow

sectional outing to ikea today.
was late. hmm. kind of expected 'cause i couldn't sleep last night and so ended up waking up late this morning as well. -_-
the furniture there kind of made me feel happy this morning. the colours were so bright and cheerful. kawaii- =) and yes, the type of decor that i like but mum dislikes. (saying that they are not practical) but who says so..hahax. 'cause we got a storage shelf. metal frame + drawers made of cloth. imagine planning an ikea trip since last yr and finally we made it there and bought something that we dreamt of having months ago. but i am glad. we actually remembered. the promise was not exactly broken.
well, today's outing was with the seniors (cheegake, boonpin and angie!) and hmm for once in the past few months, it's that feeling again. the same old feeling that made me look forward to practices after practices. no juniors to worry my head off. the undescribable feeling of being a junior. it's like there's someone to catch you if you fall, you don't mind trying again.

i love foreign languages. and today i loved the french word "arc-en-ciel".

2004-12-14 : 1:06 a.m. : awake

can't sleep. and i have no idea why. i switched off the com to go to bed aft blogging the last entry and after tossing and turning, yeah yes i am again. the weirdest thing is i don't know what's keeping me awake. no, at this present moment, i am not worried about something. neither am i excited over something. in fact, i feel nothing. maybe i can just sit down on the chair and stare out of the window and watch the lights go off one by one. bet i can stay up for hours that way.
surprisingly i am not sleepy at all. i don't want to log on msn to chat. it's quite late already. i rather not bother others and let them have their sleep. hmm..since when did i find logging on msn a chore? must be long ago because i can't seem to remember now.
think i've changed. maybe a bit. maybe a lot. it all depends how i see it. how you see it. maybe others may think i did not change. but i sensed it. as for mum's side, i have been more accomodating these days. i never like the idea of being accomodating (say i am selfish if you want) 'cause it ended up with me being taken advantage of. at least i thought so. if i were to accomodate someone, is that someone willing to help back? i know when we do something, we don't usually expect something back. but it gets tiring for me, and i will start questioning myself "why am i doing this""why am i doing that". and sometimes it really hurts, when what you are trying so hard to do is not even appreciated. maybe..i admit at times, i became the baddie. i didn't understand the situation and gave hurtful remarks. i apologise for that. but this whole idea of accomodation is just tiring. but no choice..with mum, i still have to do it. there's no other way to improve the situation. at least for now.
sigh.
i better push myself back to sleep. there's still sectional outing tmr morning.

2004-12-14 : 12:13 a.m. : a great person, not like me

self-conflict not done with yet. episode still running non-stop.

eh? sometimes i just have to salute you. cos you are simply great. i can feel it and definitely appreciate it. =)

2004-12-12 : 8:53 p.m. : shoot me quick.

i have to make a decision very soon.
it's either a yes or a no.
but why is it that i can't get myself to decide?
i want this but i fear it too.
i don't want that but that sounds like a good offer.
dahhhh.
at times like this, i wish i don't have a choice. so life goes on like that. with me being its puppet.

a whole year will soon be gone. with me regretting and loving it at the same time.

2004-12-10 : 9:30 p.m. : starting anew

did some shopping. okay maybe to say i did a lot of shopping cos it's really seldom that i will buy two tees, a pair of jeans, a belt and a pair of school shoes in a day. thought i really went crazy this afternoon. hahax. maybe i did =P

sometimes i wonder...maybe if i can keep all the prejudices and whatever random thoughts aside, perhaps i will find each day with ya happier. i am teaching myself to do that. i am trying...i am sick of the unhappy days. there's just no point in continuing them.

2004-12-09 : 5:39 p.m. : dead brain cells

dahh. think i've just killed more brain cells by racking my brains over the dreaded commonwealth essay. but ah well, at least a thought is finally given to it and a tiny weeny bit has been worked on. =D
but sigh- there are just far too many distractions around. tempting one too. bwahaha.

2004-12-07 : 3:52 p.m. : 灰

今天的心情有点灰。人家说雨天的心情比较难开心起来。说也奇怪，我以前是很喜欢雨天的。那份喜欢，也不知跑到哪里去了。
刚才你的一通电话打来，我被骂了一顿。其实也不怪你，因为该怪的人是我。答应过你的事又没做到，想来真是抱歉。对不起，也许时间地点情况不允许吧。也不知怎么的，近来的我老是失约。恨自己当初答应什么东西时，没想清楚，考虑清楚，那么冲动，弄得别人不开心。我一向不喜欢他人失约，自己却那么缺德，让人家那么失望。真该死。
一个月前的我，生命里有了新体验。什么事有开始必有结束。一个月后的我，却始终放不下，一个月前的我已不在了。这一段，不知道该怎么结束。
回忆也许美，可是正在飞走对不对……

2004-12-07 : 10:52 a.m. : -

oh well. JLPT's finally over. but huibao's coming and and when it ends, school's going to reopen. still not in the mood to touch homework yet. hrmph. whatever. i still have my holiday plans. =D

looking forward to something -winks-

2004-12-04 : 9:36 p.m. : -

i will be rejoicing tomorrow when everything's over.
[faith]
[i can do it]
[cos i can. so i can.]

2004-12-03 : 10:58 p.m. : quiz.

the result of extreme boredom.

Your full name: Yap Yuling Eunice
Age: 15
Height: 174
Natural hair colour: black
Eye colour: dark brown
Number of siblings: one bro
Glasses/contacts?: glasses
Piercings: nope
Tattoos: nope
Braces?: nope

FAVOURITE
Colour: white blue black orange
Band: nobody in particular
Song: too many. but i am still in love with sissel's one day.
Stuffed animal: bear
Video game: what about computer games?
TV show: nope i guess. [except for this really interesting jap drama serial a few years back, not the i-love-you-you-love-me kind =D ]
Movie: no favourites. though i like LOTR
Book: tuesdays with morrie [i think]
Food: junk. but currently loving chinese herbal jelly
CD cover: kitaro's "thinking of you". the cover is so simple. just nice.
Flower: sunflower
Scent: no idea
Animal: dogs and pigs
Comic book: nth in particular
Cereal: kokokrunch. whee.
Website: my blog? it's mine, ya know.
Play an instrument?: cello
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?: nah. that's crazy.
Like to sing?: alright. but the problem is: i can't sing.
Have a job?: still schooling
Like to play sports?: okay. though enjoy a bit of exercise.
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope
Have a crush on someone?: nope
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?: my family is normal. not crazy.
Have any special talents/skills?: slacking. wahaha.
Exercise daily?: nooo. though i feel like doing sit-ups everyday like sophia
Like school?: i don't dislike it.

CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?: nah.
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?: never
Speak any other languages?: chinese. and a little jap. and a little hokkien and teochew [mixed] =P
Go a day without food?: nooo
Stay up for more than 24 hours?: yup
Read music, not just tabs?: erm.
Roll your tongue?: yes
Eat a whole pizza?: if i am hungry enough

HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?: yahh
Cried to get out of trouble?: when i get into trouble..i don't cry.
Gotten lost in your city?: so far not yet
Seen a shooting star?: i wish i had
Been to any other countries besides the united states?: yeah
Had a serious surgery?: nope
Stolen something important to someone else?: urm. no i think.
Gone out in public in your pajamas?: nah
Cried over a girl?: eh...hmm. the day of concert itself. the seniors i guess.
Cried over a boy?: noo.
Kissed a random stranger?: never
Hugged a random stranger?: nope
Been in a fist fight?: no.
Been arrested?: nope
Done drugs?: nope
Had alcohol?: tried a bit before. but it's hell.
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?: not milk but sth else. =P
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?: yeah when i was young. it was fun.
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?: i dreamt of it though
Swore at your parents?: nope. not till that extent.
Kicked a guy where it hurts?: noo.
Been in love?: no where near
Been close to love?: don't think so
Been to a casino?: nope
Ran over an animal and killed it?: i don't drive.
Broken a bone?: no
Gotten stitches?: yes. childhood accident
Had a waterballoon fight in winter?: nope
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?: urgh
Made homemade muffins?: i can't bake. stir-frying sth is different =)
Bitten someone?: yeah
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?: no =(
More than 5 times?: see above
Been to niagra falls?: no
Burped in someones face?: yuck
Gotten the chicken pox?: yes

WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth: about half an hour ago
Went to the bathroom: about half an hour ago
Saw a movie in theaters: a long time ago. with the class to watch troy.
Read a book: last night
Had a snow day: eh?
Had a party: long time ago.
Had a slumber party: cant rmb.
Made fun of someone: eh..can't rmb. should be recently.
Tripped in front of someone: long ago too.
Went to the grocery store: this afternoon
Got sick: having sore throat now.
Cursed: don't rmb

PICK ONE
Fruit/vegetables: fruit
Black/white: black
Lights on/lights off: on
TV/movie: movie
Car/truck: car
Body spray/lotion: body spray
Cash/check: cheque, you mean?
Pillows/blankets: pillows. they are wonderful.
Headache/stomach ache: stomach ache
Paint/charcoal: paint. on my fingers =D
Chinese food/mexican food: chinese
Summer/winter: winter
Snow/rain: rain
Fog/misty: misty
Rock/rap: rock
Meat/vegetarian: meat
boy/girl: hmm?
Chocolate/vanilla: vanilla
Sprinkles/icing: icing
Cake/pie: cake
French toast/french fries: fries =D
Strawberries/blueberries: strawberries
Ocean/swimming pool: swimming pool. oceans are scary in some way. if i have to swim in it.
Hugs/kisses: hugs
Cookies/muffins: cookies
p33n/bewbz: eh?
Wallet/pocket: wallet
Window/door: window
Emo/goth: eh?
Pink/purple: purple
Cat/dog: dog =D
Long sleeve/short sleeve: short sleeve
Pants/shorts: pants
Winter break/spring break: winter
Spring/autumn: autumn
Clouds/clear sky: clouds
Moon/mars: moon

FRIENDSHIP
How many friends do you have?: define friend first.
What are their names: friends will know they are friends.
Do you have a best friend?: maybe.
Have you ever liked one of your friends?: if i don't like them, we can't be friends.
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?: girl
Have you ever lost a friend?: yes.
Have you ever gone to an amusement park with a friend?: yes
Whats an inside joke between you and a friend?: "inside joke"
Have you ever gotten in a big arguement with a friend?: yeah. and that was hurting.
Whats the nicest thing youve ever done for a friend?: no idea.
Whats the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?: by being there
Do you miss any of your old friends?: yeah
What friend have you known the longest?: hmm.
Do you regret anything you've done to a friend?: yeah
If so, what is it?: no comments
How often do you spend time with your friends?: everyday. if you count msn. hahx.
Do any of your friends drive?: yes
Has a friend of yours ever died?: yes
Whats the dumbest thing youve done with a friend?: hmm. can't think of any now. but there's loads of crap.
What do you think your friends think of you?: ask them. but i guess most of them don't know the other half of me.

LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP
Have you ever been in love?: yeah. not a person though
If you have, with who?: not who. but what.
Are you single?: yes
Are you in a relationship?: nope
If so, for how long?: see above
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?: guess so. and i don't think so this applies only to "i-love-you-you-love-me" kind of thing.
What is your idea of the best date?: no idea.
What was your first kiss like?: i have to ask my parents
How old were you when you got your first kiss?: how i know. i am too young to know.
Do you think love is a load of shit?: shouldn't be.
Whats the best experience youve ever had with the opposite sex?: laughing together. haha. laughter is infectious. XD
If you are single, have you had any boyfriends/girlfriends before?: nope.
Have you ever been dumped?: nope
Have you ever dumped someone?: nope
Whats the most sexual thing youve done with the opposite sex?: nothing =)

I....
am: bored. and a little sleepy
want: a drink. and to pass jlpt
need: to start doing my hol assignment
love: whoever and whatever in this world that deserves my love
hate: nothing at this moment
did: almost everything of this quiz. ate a whole baguette tonight.
feel: weird
miss: shanghai. fudan. my seniors. =(
am annoyed by: how i waste time
would rather: catch some sleep
am tired of: repairing the toiletbowl everytime it can't flush just because someone else spoils it.
will always: remember how to smile

SILLY STUFF
What is your favourite genre of music?: new age
What time is it now?: 11:43pm
What day is it?: friday
Whens the last time you called someone?: this afternn
How much money do you have right now?: less than 20 bucks. i am broke.
Are you hungry?: no
Whatcha doin?: trying to finish this quiz
Do you like parades?: not really. though chingay is alright.
Do you like the moon?: maybe
What are you going to do when youre done with this?: don't know. perhaps sleep. or continue studying for jlpt.
Isnt cup a funny word when you repeat it over and over?: why?
If you could have any magical power what would it be?: to forget and remember at ease
Have you ever had a picnic?: yup
Did you ever have one of those skip-its when you were young?: eh?
What about sock em boppers?: urm?
Are you wearing any socks right now?: no

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?: no
pretty?: no
sarcastic?: sometimes
lazy?: yeah
hyper?: rarely
friendly?: maybe
evil?: heh
smart?: nope
strong?: no
talented?: no
dorky?: sometimes

ASSOCIATE THESE WORDS WITH SOMEONE YOU KNOW (or dont know)
high: aizhen. forever so animated.
skip: zhuting. don't know why.
dance: chinese dancers
lonely: don't know.
pen: no one
flower: koonjiew
window: no one
psycho: hmm?
brain freeze: the character in the 7-11 ad
orange: dad. hoho.
sassy: the actress who acted in my sassy girl
jelly: the auntie who sold chinese herbal jelly

FOR OR AGAINST
suicide: against
love: for
drunk drivers: against
airplanes: for
war: against
canada: neutral
united states: neutral
rock music: for
gay marriage: neutral
school: neutral
surveys: neutral
parents: for
cars: for
killing: against
britney spears: against
coffee: neutral
pants: for

LAST QUESTIONS
What shampoo do you use?: pantene
Whens the last time you did something sexual with the opposite sex?: never
What kind of computer do you have?: compaq. there's sth wrong with the graphic card anyway.
What grade are you in?: sec 3 going on to sec 4
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?: eh?
How many posters do you have in your room?: 1
How many cds do you have?: a rack of them
what time is it now?: 11.52pm

still bored.